"Bed Time" Warning: Slightly religious

 

I want to tell you about our bed time routine. Bed time since Justin left for Alaska has been HELL. Sam fights and misbehaves and does everything he can to make me angry in hopes that I will give up and let him stay up. I won't get into the frustrating details but it can take hours to get him t g to bed.

 

Tonight we followed his bedtime routine that he set. I carried him to bed (yes, I carry a 40 lb boy to bed every night) I gave him hugs and kisses, then he gave me hugs and kisses, and then I snuggled him for awhile. As we lay there he told me that we hadn't prayed yet. I want to let you know that this isn't something that I started. I have taught him about God through the bible stories that I grew up reading, but we are more of a spiritual family than a religious one. But last month we were very tight on food and money to get food until the next pay day. So we prayed over every meal that God would help us make it last until the next time we were able to buy more. We never an out and I kept coming up with random ideas to use what we had. But after we were able to get more the prayers tapered off. Until 3 nights ago. Three nights ago as we lay in his bed snuggling he said "Mommy, we haven't prayed in a long time" I had thought he said PLAYED, so I was hurt, we had played with blocks with his brother earlier that day. And eventually he took my hands in his and made  circle and said "no mommy, when we hold hands at the table and make a circle and talk to God"

 

That night he asked me if we could talk to God more, and we did, we prayed that Sam would be able to control himself and behave well and stay in bed, and that God could help mommy not to be angry as often (over his misbehavior) and we closed the prayer with "Amen"

 

Last night Sam started asking to say a part of the prayer, I always say th same thing, more as a reminder to both Sam and I then as a true prayer. I want Sam to remember to control himself (he says that he can't) and I want to remember to take a few deep breaths and to hold my temper that has become shorter lately. But he adds in his 4 year old Sam things, like getting to see Auntie tomorrow, even though he knows he can't. I will direct him to be fair to God and not ask for things Sam knows cannot happen, and simply to ask to see Auntie again soon. Tonight he asked God to give him magic, I had to laugh, because it's so Sam, he believes in the magic of the world and God, and so do I.

 

I think this is the continuation of him wishing at the fountain at the hospital and doctors office we take his brother to. Each time he always wishes that brother will get better and not have to get poked any more. So I just want to remind you that whether you are religious or not, children believe in magic, whether its fairies or God. So make this part of your routine, whether you are making firefly wishes or prayers, let your children express what is in their hearts, it will help you to better understand them, and tem to understand you.

The Good Behavior Store

So I have been telling you about our Behavior Bucks (BB) and that Sam can earn these with good behavior and by helping around the house. He also had to behave really well for the store to open. Today we opened the store and he had nearly earned all of the BB I had. He had been fined for bad behavior in the last few weeks, but after 3 nights in a row without fighting bed time I felt it was time to show him what he was behaving for.

 

As you can see we didn't do anything fancy, I have been hiding these in the trunk of my car and just pulled them out while he was eating dinner and priced them. I KNEW he had earned a lot so I priced the ones I thought he would want pretty high, but he surprised me.

 

We have been working on our counting and numbers so he actually recognized the number 5 an that the others were MUCH higher than that, so he decided that he would buy as many of those as he could!

 

 



I made him count out his money and pay (each bill I worth 1 as I didn't want to confuse him at only 4 years old) and he did great the first few times, when he chose to buy a few things over 10 BB he lost interest in counting in his excitement over his new toy.

 

 



Styling is new shades

 

 



Even though it was late by the time we finished I felt he needed time to whined down and play with his new toys. So we set up his Snakes and Ladders game and played. He actually won with no cheating and without me letting him, then he very sweetly asked told me that he as sorry that I lost. I haven't spoken much about it but Sam has been acting out like crazy in the last few months, and behaving poorly for the last year. It all changed after we moved. This little boy who told me he was sorry I lost is the first glimpse I've had of the Sam from before.

Summer

Who knew summer would be busier than any other season? I sure didn't. I also never took into account that it would take more than a simply sign up form to get my son into preschool. *Sigh* I have all the paperwork at long last. Sort of. I need to find and make copies of his birth certificate... Yeah, so once I find that I send it all in and he's in right? I sure hope so. Its not like I'm applying to a high class private preschool with a long line of Ivy league grads marching through. Its a simple program put on through the college.

Now you might be wondering why I am putting him into a public school even though I have been home schooling him. The answer is simple, my sanity. Sam is a very active social child. I am not an active social person. I am very happy to stay home with my babies and not talk to a real person (sorry online mom friends, you're not real if I cant see you in person) Tiny (the baby) and I are both happy to be less social, but Sam was a day care kid for 3 years, he thrives of interaction with other children his age.

Add to my non active (this does not mean lazy, it simply means I don't feel the need to run around, or go out to places. I am a bookworm at heart and have always been the one to sit and play to read quietly) and the fact that it is hot outside (I don't do well with heat, it makes me grumpy and sick) This makes for a very unhappy Sam. He wants to run and jump and yell. I want us to snuggle in the air conditioned room with books and quiet movies. This also means not talking through the movies. We are not a "good fit" as they put it. our personalities are very different.

I'm sorry if this sounds like I'm complaining, I just want to be as honest as I can be here. I feel like we are expected to smile and pretend that its easy to be a parent and that we still live in the 50s where mom got up, dressed, and all make-up'd before she made breakfast and got the family off to school. I can't do that. I can't even remember to set the table and do the dishes daily.

Behavior

Now we all know that kids act out when their world changes, whether it be moving, a new baby, daycare, teacher, ect. In our home its Justin going to Alaska and other family related issues. He has been acting out since Justin left and has expressed "hating" Alaska because it take shim away from us. Now I tried punishment, time outs, corner time, ect. I even tried spanking (no judgment form you non spankers) none of it worked. I started taking classes in Love and Logic parenting and they make a big emphasis on rewarding positive behavior, so we came up with a sticker chart.

Now sticker charts are great for keeping track of things, whether it be chores or simply good behavior. Sam loses toys for bad behavior or not treating them properly and then has to earn them back with good behavior. It worked for awhile, but we needed something a little more tangable for him.

I got the idea while we were in the dollar store a few weeks ago. He kept asking for things, things I would normally get him, but after his HORID behavior the week up to that day it just wasn't happening, then I saw a package of play money. And thus behavior bucks were born. He earns very real rewards towards "buying" those dollar store goodies he so desperately wanted, including more fun art supplies.

Now we have a little store set up and he earns BB for good behavior at the doctors office, in the grocery store, in the car, ect, and for helping with chores around the house. He gets more for behavior than chores. And here is the important part, he gets fined for poor behavior. If he refuses to listen and time out isn't working he gets fined. Even worse (to him) is the fact that bad behavior makes it so the behavior store stays closed longer.

Don't be afraid to over price those dollar store toys either. He sure isn't getting them for a single BB, I made that paint set he wants 15 BB. For simplicity's sake all play dollars are worth 1 BB regardless of value printed on it. When he gets older, if this is still needed, it will become more complex.

All of this does more than just teach him to behave better. I am helping my 4 year old learn some economics, as well as consequences. Teaching him about not following rules resulting in monetary fines will help teach him to follow the rules of the road BEFORE that first speeding ticket.

Give it a try. I started all of this for under $20 and you can too. Let me know how it works for you!

Letter of the Day

I should just change my name to Mia, I've been MIA for so long! Its been pretty stressful over here the past few weeks. With Justin going to Alaska and the baby's health and dealing with family problems it was easy to not get on and post. But I am back (for now) and have something fun to share!

The Letter of the Day!
Nope, not just for sesame street any more folks! We were wondering the schools and art supply isle at walmart and found notebook paper size magnetic white board for only 50 cents! So I grabbed it, there are SO many things I can do with that. And its been sitting in the walmart bag for the last few days. Until Sam was watching some leapfrog show today and it was teaching about letters. The only issue is I want him to have practical experience. Not to mention we have been having some minor behavior retraining going on here (more on that later) so an idea formed!

We now have the magnetic white board stuck on our front door and a tall laundry basket next to it. I write the letter of the day on the board and 1 word that starts with that letter. (Today is "S" so I wrote Sam) and his goal is to spend the day collecting "s" things. Snakes (stuffed ones) socks, shirts, soap, ect. but I want him to be a more abstract thinker. So I let him look in my fabric collection and pick out stripes, stars, skulls. I taught him about scabbards for his sword, and he came up with "sports drink" for my Gatorade. We found a reusable Safeway Sack that even had socks and shirts in it.

Now the goal is that at the end of the day he will have a basket full of things that start with the letter "s", if a tad abstractly. He gets points for the number of things he has placed in the basket and that translates into "behavior bucks" (I will make a post about this whole thing) and he gets to keep them in his wallet.

Remember, I would Love to hear from all of you out there in the real world about how this works for you, and if you have any ideas for ways to make it better. Any even other ideas for using the white board!